Date Number 1 = Free Dinner Number 1

I had my first date this evening that was set up by the aforementioned service. I'm going to write about it now, even though I want to sink into my oh-so-comfy bed, watch Desperate Housewives, and sleep until noon tomorrow.

Perhaps that gives you a hint about how it went. Where to begin? So, the guy is a lawyer/construction management worker who is 38. We met at Bravo for dinner. I am proud to say I made it in the door without my heart literally jumping through my chest. When I got within five miles of the place I about had a serious panic attack. I'm just so bad at blind dates, and this was an uncomfortable situation!

My first impression of him was: old. I'm just being truthful. And I don't mean old like headed for the grave old. I just mean old like the creepy guy at the bar who you wonder why he's talking to you and you go check for any new wrinkles old.

The first few moments were a little awkward because it seemed that he wanted me to get to the bar early and have a drink before our seven o'clock reservations, and I thought I was supposed to be there at seven. He kept saying he understood and he's just always early. Wait!? I was sitting in the parking for the last 20 minutes. Don't tell me about being early buddy.

Ok, so dinner. To be honest, the conversation was good. I ordered a glass of wine. I figured he had a drink at the bar, so I wasn't being out of line there. Pasta, bread, blah blah blah. We do have a few things in common: likes in music, both own a corvette, etc. We honestly had a lot to talk about. We stayed until the restaurant closed at 9:30 and hung around for coffee as well. He paid for dinner. I offered to split it or leave the tip. He said since it was his suggestion to go there, I didn't need to.

The part that freaked me out a little was when we left for the evening. We said goodnight in front of the restaurant, there was a quick hug and kiss on the cheek from him, and then he asked me why I was trying to meet someone this way. I was vague, but basically I said something along the lines of "I have made a few bad choices recently, and I thought anyone might make better choices for me than I do myself." He went on to describe every bar, club, etc. that he'd been in looking for women. I don't know. At this point, I just got a little sleazy old man vibe again. But maybe he's just desperately searching and doesn't know where else to do it?

Ok, so I headed for the Jeep, and he said he'd give me a call if I wanted to go out again. But it was a little awkward. He said, "How about Saturday nights? I'm always looking for something to do on Saturday nights." At that moment I felt like he wasn't really interested in me but just was looking for someone to spend happy hour with. Maybe he was just awkward because he was afraid I'd say no? On the other hand, who would say no in the middle of a parking lot with your teeth chattering and snow starting to fall? Wouldn't most girls just say "sure" and not answer his phone call? So, I guess I wonder what there is to be afraid of. I just didn't get the vibe that he was all that into me I guess.

Was I into him? Good question. My whole radar is off, I've got to say. I thought that the problem was that I couldn't find the right apple. Maybe the problem is that even when I do pick up the fruit, I can't tell when it's rotten on the inside.

Rejection

I'm still feeling happy happy joy joy, but today was a bit tougher. Gosh darn it...I will be the girl who is always smiling and says she's "Wonderful" when someone asks in the hall! But today, I'm having my doubts.

Have you ever had someone mistake you for someone else who you thought was entirely unattractive? Well, the third person at my place of employment (which I won't mention since that got me in trouble before) mistook me today for another woman in the department. This other woman, forgive me, has a freakin' horse face! Sure, she's blonde. And yes, she might be about the same height as me. Beyond that, I'm offended. I know that's terrible, but if we really look that similar, I'm just sad.

Second, I received my first "rejection" from the matchmaker. Let me tell you how it works basically. After you fork over the cash, you get photos, and then after you wait not so patiently, you receive profiles of possible matches. You choose who you'd like to consider as a match, and then they are contacted and consider you for a match. One of the men I chose did not choose me. Now, I realize that this is completely ludicrous to feel rejected. I mean, maybe he didn't like my age. Maybe he hates blondes. Whatever! But the wonderfully polite email I received from the service saying he had "graciously declined" sent me straight to the refrigerator. Thank goodness all I've got in there is sugar free Jello pudding. Sixty calories worth of rejection thank you very much.

Spoiler Alert....

I know it's bizarre, but have you seen the celeb matchmaker on t.v.? Or the matchmaker to the stars? Well, believe it or not, there's a matchmaker in my hometown also. Ok, so maybe she'll match me with "yinzers" and rednecks, but I'm warning you...I'm going to try it! The truth is that I believe someone who actually goes in search of a potential mate and yes, even pays money to do so, might be exactly the opposite of the commitment-phobes I seek and destroy. So, get ready. I plan to have some good stories about these fantastic men she claims she can set me up with.

Law School

Ok, just a quick update. I was accepted into law school in Pittsburgh this week. I received a call from the Dean of Admissions. I haven't gotten the official letter (which I'm hoping might involve some good news about funding/financial aid), but I'm in! Certainly I don't know what I'm doing yet; however, I'm open to suggestions as always!

Mo' Problems

I've been quiet for a week. The truth is, I've been embarrasssed. I gave Mo one last try of it. And, you know, even though it ended in police, screaming, and hurt in the middle of a busy Pittsburgh street, I'm glad I did it. All along I've been saying that I didn't hate him. In fact, I loved him and thought that perhaps that love was enough. So, for the last seven days I gave it a final shot. Day 1 involved chocolate, flowers, dinner, etc. That was the the high point. From there, it deteriorated into, as I've said, threats and police. It's officially over. Aren't you proud of me? And I finally know for sure that he cares more about a 20 dollar piece of Target luggage full of his dirty underwear than me. I'm good. It's sunny this morning in Pittsburgh, I'm ready to do some shopping, and life gets better from here!
Does anyone remember this? I haven't thought about it in years and years...but I can't get it out of my head today!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfPg5LjGYz8

I Want that T-Shirt!

Ok, I can be an impulse buyer sometimes. Not usually with huge purchases...but the small things stick in my head. Here's what I want today: On How I Met Your Mother last night Ted was wearing a t-shirt for the White Horse Saloon. I noticed it, and tried to look it up online. I hope I'm not the only one who has discovered at some point in her life that there's some obvious thing you should have known about but were somehow woefully unaware. Dylan Thomas drank himself to death (as legend has it) at the White Horse Saloon?! How did I not know this. Sure, I know City Lights. I know Haight-Ashbury. I even know Frank O'Hara died in a dune buggy accident. How in the world did I miss the White Horse Saloon in getting a PhD in poetry for goodness sake! Anyway, if you know where I can find this t-shirt, please let me know!

30 Seconds of Fame

Well, if you get a chance to watch the Ch. 11 News in Pittsburgh tonight, you might see my terrified face! I ventured out into Snowmageddon today because I had to get gas for work tomorrow, and I actually fooled myself into thinking I'd get near a grocery store. No luck on the groceries, but the news did catch me while I was pumping gas at GetGo. That was an interesting experience!
http://www.wpxi.com/video/22503886/?taf=burg

Help! I Have an Addiction

Drugs? Alcohol? Bad boyfriends? Nope. I have an addiction to school. I always joked that when I was done with my PhD there was nothing left but law school, and believe it or not, I finished two law school applications today. Am I crazy? Here are my pros and cons. Where do you weigh in?

Pros to going to law school:

- it's something I've always planned on doing

- meet a new group of people

- get to make a difference vs. teaching students semicolons for the rest of my life

- I think I'd be good at it

- I could still go back to teaching (law)

- it's impossible to get a job teaching poetry right now and my book just isn't getting published

Cons to going to law school:

- more debt

- time involved in another degree

- what if this isn't what I want to do either?

- neglecting poetry and teaching

Anyway, I applied to Duquesne and Pitt. I don't really want to leave the city since I own a house and my family/horses etc. are here. Duquesne's easier to get into, but it would be a huge investment in money! Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

P.S. On the topic of addiction, I deactivated my facebook account today. Do I really need to keep searching Mo's picture and his friends? Do I really care what my high school classmate is doing? The truth is that it's fun, but I want to live in the now! I want to get out and meet new people and not hang onto people from my past that I'll likely never see again. So, if you've found your way here, you're probably someone I care about keeping around. Help me stay away from facebook!

Snowed In

The one thing I don't want to do is be stuck in the house. Guess what? It's a freakin' state of emergency. No cars allowed out. Of course, I can't even reach my Jeep to get out if I wanted to. The darn dog refuses to pee because she gets lost in the drifts. How's everyone else doing with this weather?

Have You Googled Yourself Lately?

I keep thinking about what I want this blog to be. Partly it's a place to keep my friends updated. Partly I'd like to make new friends. I'd also like to hold myself accountable. I think what I mean by that is I want to have a place, a community of sorts, where people judge my actions. They're honest about what I'm doing, what I'm saying, and how the feel about those things. So for now, one of the things I want to do here is figure out what kind of person I want to be. I tend to define myself in relation to others, and I don't think that's entirely bad because it means I'm not always thinking of myself. But who do I want to be? Next time I google my own name, I want to find fantastic and amazing things about myself! Starting today I'm going to do things that help me interact with others on a regular basis. I'm not going to choose to be alone. Volunteer? Date? Run outdoors more? Meet the neighbors? This is my late resolution for the year to get out there and get going!!!

I'm Painting My Nails Red Because I Can

What did I do today? Honestly, I just tried to get through the day. And I was doing pretty darn good until I found out that Mo (see earlier posts) had contacted my friend online to ask how I was doing. This initially threw me for a loop. He cared! He cared! Ah... but that would make too much sense. Turns out, it's just that he was making himself look like the good guy. You know, "I wasn't the one who gave up," and "She's the one being crazy" kind of stuff. It's very simple buddy. One week ago you loved me and wanted to marry me. Today you "care" not love me, and not once did you ever face me to tell me that you might not want to get married. Ok, now that I've got that out. Not only that. You also put my sweet friend in the awkward position of having to call me and tell me that you had contacted her. Let me just count the ways I hate you a bit more each day.

The most exciting part of the day was absolutely, Snowmageddon! It has snowed at least 6-8 inches since this afternoon here in Pittsburgh. And it's that wonderful thick like cookie dough snow that gets in your socks and freezes your ankles on the way to the mailbox. In fact, the blue sparks shooting from the transformers on my street seem to indicate that I may not have power for much longer. So, while I wait for the end, I'm blogging and painting my nails an obnoxious shade of red (just because Mo always liked them unpainted).

Anyone have any tips for self portraits? I got a digital SLR for Christmas, and I'm in serious need of some shots for various projects, but I did try to take some pics this evening, and didn't have much luck. Any of these decent enough?

The Breakup Cookbook

I don't want this to be a blog all about breaking up. I swear I don't. I want it to be a blog about moving on. But there are still a few pieces of me that need retouched and photoshopped back to their original glory. Although I did all of the cooking for the last year in my relationship I have to admit that I'm not looking forward to going back to frozen Healthy Choice entrees. Somehow it's sad for me to cook a huge meal for myself on the other hand. Voila! The Breakup Cookbook. Check out the awesome awesome blog I found this morning!
http://breakupcookbook.com/

Moving On

I know. I know. I'm supposed to be moving on. But come on! How can I resist entering a contest in order to see a monster truck crush a car with my ex's name on it!?

http://y108.com/Crush-Your-Ex/6259542

I Believe

If Ugly Betty can win a "Blobby" and a young woman can reach Julia Child through her blog, then I can call on karma! This... is my story. I won't drown you in self-pity, and I'm not bragging, but I do need your help. I am (and I don't necessarily think this a good thing), I truly am, the epitome of too nice. Do I want you to help make me more mean? Well, that's a good start, but truly I want reach someone/anyone who might get a laugh from my tale. I want to hear stories like my own. I want your advice when I'm about to make a big mistake. I want good things to come from this blog, because I need to believe that karma will work it all out. I don't want to change, but I do need to figure out a way to make this a positive part of who I am.

It all started in fifth grade when the boy I was dating dumped me in history class. Ok, not really. I guess it all starts today. My past is this: user, abusers, and most recently a fiance who lied about his sexuality. You got it. I had the ring, I was picking dresses, and it was only a few months away, when by Facebook chat (you read that right) my insignificant other decided to inform me about his bisexuality after a year of dating. I haven't seen him since, and I know that's for the best.

Here's a fun fact to get you going. This "other," let's call him Mo, still claims that he hasn't lied. Why? Well, we did meet online. After the last debacle (we'll get into that another time) I decided I'd at least give the online thing a brief chance. As Mo says, he wasn't dishonest in the least. In fact, there was no "box" to check bisexual on eHarmony, and therefore he never lied to me and was never in the wrong.

That's enough of Mo for now. Let's get to the good stuff. I want your advice. Where do I go from here? Paint his car pink? Put his picture in my toilet? Pretend he never existed? Find a date? If so, how? Let me know what you think.