Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm Too Sexy

One of the greatest things Mo gave me for this summer was: time.  I have no idea how I could have survived another semester of driving to his crappy apartment and getting up at 4 a.m. to rush home to feed the dog.  He refused to get up early with me (or even compromise) and insisted on only having time to hang out at 11 at night until ungodly hours of the morning.  I was honestly in pain every day by the end of my time teaching.

Here's my schedule right now:

*  Get up between 5:30 and 6:30 (depends on how far I'm running)
*  Run/work Out
* 7:30-8 Breakfast (I'm trying to be really healthy before school starts, so I'm actually cooking eggs, etc.)
* 8-5:00 Work on Smarthinking (mixed with online teaching at South, reading law books, doing email, etc.)
* 5-9:00 Work on Grading/South online teaching
* 9-10:00 Live Office Hours at AIU
*10-11:00 Grading/teaching AIU
* 11-midnight Live Teaching at AIU (I sit online with a very attractive microphone talking to myself)

Then I try and sleep and do it all over again.  In order for me to "do" anything else, I have to take off work.  So, if I want to go out for the evening or go to the barn, I either need to take my laptop or request off work.  When in the world would I have had time to stress over the lies and betrayals of Mo?

Yet, of course, there are moments when I'm incredibly lonely!  I especially feel this way when I have plans and they are changed.  I honestly wonder: will I ever be with anyone in a relationship again?  My mom pointed out that it was crazy to see my college friend (thanks for visiting S!) with a minivan and three kids.  And my dad said, "Well, that's normal for her age."  Okay, thanks, Dad.  Glad to know I'm not normal to you.

As I was running yesterday at six in the morning, feeling especially blah, I slogged past a man who was listening to his iPod at the bus stop.  Under her breath, he let out, "Sexxxxy."  It was rude, inappropriate, and creepy.  But thanks goodness, I thought...  at least someone still thinks I'm sexy.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


This is why you should come to my picnic this Saturday:

Chai Tea Cookies
Mint Brownies
Sugar Cookies
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Chocolate dipped French Meringues (on the third try)
Sandwich Cookies
Meatball sandwiches
Strawberry Spinach Salad
Southwest Shrimp
Rum (Dad's "special" rum)
Homemade Beer and Wine
Pasta Salad
Slow Cooker Mac 'n Cheese
Chickpea Salad


Oh, and stick around for the poetry reading at Lili Cafe on Sunday.  This is gonna be a busy weekend!

And So It Begins...

This week I've received some of my first correspondence from my law school. Or orientation begins the second week of August with a picnic followed by a week or "boot camp" before classes begin. I wonder if this is typical of law schools? In what I've read, I haven't seen much like it.
I'm anxious at this point about a few things. One is my age. I'm not old (will be 30 when school starts), but I'm older than many of the 21 year olds who will be entering law school this fall. I'm sure in some ways this is an advantage. In other ways, I hope I can "fit in." Law school seems very different than grad. school in this way. For my MFA and PhD I "survived." There wasn't much competition for grades. Everyone got an A or an A-, and that was the end of it. Here I need to stay in the top half of my class to receive my scholarship for next year even. Everyone thinks they'll be in the top half, right? For me, this is a little different. I know no one expects to fail out, but the truth is that in any school people inevitably do. And it can't be me! I have given up a job my teaching job. If I fail out of law school I'll be the most over-qualified coffee barista in my town.

I'm still very anxious about how much "prepping" to do as well. I have been working through some lessons on CALI, reading, and trying to stay organized (making a calendar), but how much is too much, and how much is not enough?
If nothing else, I will say that my school seems relatively organized. In most of my time as a graduate student I have been lost in websites, rules, regulations, financial aid, and the registrar. In this case I'm told exactly where to go and what to do at what time. In some ways this is a great relief. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Thirty-three days until orientation begins!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Vacation? What Vacation?

One of the things that I've constantly read in the books about preparing for law school is that I should be relaxing this summer to prepare for the chaos of the fall semester.  Relax?  I think I've mentioned before that I don't know how to do that. 

Right now I'm teaching two classes online, going through orientation for a new teaching job online, tutoring online, riding horses, reading law school prep books, and....redecorating!

For some reason this week I just decided that I hate everything in my house.  Well, not everything.  But I need a change.  Honestly, I think it's a delayed reaction and reclaiming of my space.  When I moved to Pittsburgh it was great.  I had no memories here, nothing reminded me of the jerk I left in Florida, and I could start new.  Now the problem is that everything here reminds me of Mo.  Last Fourth of July we went to Altoona on the train.  It was an amazing trip when we did absolutely nothing and had a great time.  We planned to take a trip on the train each year.  This year was going to be to a place that began with the letter "B."  We'd work our way through the alphabet from A to Z.  Like my friend Carly asked...where does the good go? That was a truly good day.  Or was it?  There were so many underlying insecurities and lies on that day that what I was living wasn't even true in a way.

Well, I'll tell you what's true today: new lamps, new pillows, new bookcases, new decorations in the bathroom, new teapots, new plants, new pictures, and a wonderful new color in my third bedroom.  If you've never been to my house you won't know this, but my third bedroom is a tiny space that I've turned into a sort of walk-in closet. I've painted it dark red today, hung chandeliers, put in new drapes and mirrors, and gosh darn it, it's awesome!  You should come visit my new life.