Monday, June 7, 2010

Scaredy Cat

Do you do things that scare you?  Or are you the safe type?  Go to the same restaurants?  Have the same friends?

I'm definitely the former.  From the time I can remember, I did things that scared me.  I was riding horses and competing at the age of four.  And I remember that I was terrified, but that was part of the thrill.  In college I had severe anxiety, but I volunteered each year to be an orientation leader. Suddenly I was in charge of 20 cocky, scared, crazy freshmen.  And we had to do ice breakers!  Ice breakers are truly my nemesis, but I figured if I forced myself to do it, I'd be a better person.

Then I moved to Florida.  Talk about terrifying.  I didn't know anyone, I couldn't even drive a stick, and the car I was taking was a fun new six-speed Firebird. 

I go to running groups that terrify me, poetry readings that terrify men, conferences that terrify me.  And I do it all in the name of "becoming a better person."  But today I'm wondering, is there a way to embrace that quiet and shy personality that is my true self?  I'm wondering this because I'm about to do something again that terrifies me.

I'm headed to law school in two months or so.  The Socratic method scares me, men in suits scare me, being a student who knows nothing again scares me, failing out scares me, not fitting in, not being good at law, not passing...  all of these things terrify me. Why am I doing this again?


  1. I'm with you on that. I think that you are just a vibrant go-getter and you'd be bored if you felt you were settling for anything. Think of all the fears you've had in your life: how many of them have come to fruition? I'm thinking the ratio of rock star to sinking like a rock shows you do it to it. ;)

  2. Carly-
    Your new nickname is "Spinmaster C." Seriously, did you ever consider a career in politics? You can always make me sound good. Love you for it!