Not That Kind of Intern

And so the first year of law school is rapidly coming to an end.  One more week of classes and then final exams.  Please please keep me in your thoughts for the next few weeks.  What happens in these exams will ultimately determine whether I choose to remain in law school.  Financially, good grades will make all the difference.

On a more interesting note, I had my first day of my internship this weekend with a professional baseball team which shall not be named :)  Of course, if you want to know, just ask, but I don't want to blab their name all over my blog and be "found out."  Oh, didn't I mention I'd be staring at baseball players all summer?  Ahem!  That's right.  If I accomplished nothing else this year, I stalked a professional baseball team long enough for them to give me an internship.

This Saturday was an open house for the team where season ticket holders were able to pick up their tickets, the community could see the field, etc.  There was popcorn, national anthem tryouts, silly string, and inflatable games.  And yet...  it was nowhere near as much fun as it sounds!  It was freezing, raining, full of people who smelled, and those national anthem singers??  Four hours straight of phlegm, croaking, and squealing.  Help me!  I hope I have better news to report about my internship experience soon!

Keep your fingers crossed for me, and oh....I have some big news about poetry I hope to post soon.  Stay tuned!!!

Warning: Sad Christmas Post

Like a bad winter cold I’ve been trying to ward off a bout of sadness this week. I think that for the first time since I was 15 years old, I have no one special in my life to share Christmas with. I enjoy the holidays: the baking, the decorating, the buying of gifts. I really do. Somehow it’s not the same when I’m living alone, had class and finals right up to the last minute, and only bought gifts for my parents. When I opened the Christmas ornaments this year right on top was a giant “M” (for Mo) and “A” (for me), the ornaments that we had bought last year to be our first for the tree. I almost didn’t decorate at all. I mean, no one has been in my house in months. What/who am I decorating for?



And at the same time, part of me thinks I should be thankful. Last year Mo told me I couldn’t spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with my family, but we’d be spending the entire time in Ohio sitting on his living room floor and smiling at the family I’d never met. There was no compromising, no Christmas Eve with my family, nothing. And on Christmas Eve he wouldn’t answer his phone and left me wondering if I had anywhere to go at all. My family opened all the gifts I had picked out (they all come to me for ideas), and I missed Christmas basically.


Then there was the year the asshole (sorry, I don’t have a nice name for him) dumped all of my gifts in the middle of the bedroom floor unwrapped, told me I had ruined Christmas, and drove off for New Jersey leaving me sitting there with no flight and no way home.


Or how about the time the same idiot called me after how many years together and told me that he no longer wanted to marry me, then proceeded to disappear off the face of the earth, and I never heard from him again.


One year I worked until two a.m. in Gainesville and slept through my early morning flight, not making it home for Christmas. I’ve spent Christmas after Christmas crying, sad, alone, and struggling to make it through. Shouldn’t this one be better? I’m here in my parents’ home with a brand new saddle (my Christmas gift that I picked myself), ate a great dinner tonight, and have the day tomorrow to play with the horses and relax. Why choke back tears every time I allow my brain to stop and think? How do you learn to be thankful for the things you have?  How did I get here?  And where/who can I be tomorrow?  

How I Learned to Be Wrong

My brain is full.  I mean full to the point of losing important skills like walking and talking out the back door.  Why haven't I blogged in the last few months?  The easy answer: law school.  The funnier answer: my brain was so full that I forgot my login and didn't have two free minutes to go through the process of recovering it.

I've taken two law school exams so far, and I have three more to go.  I've also finished my legal research and writing paper.  As I was sitting waiting for my 25 page of ridiculousness Property exam to start, I had this crazy thought.  What in the world am I doing?  Last year at this time I was giving my own final.  I was baking Christmas cookies and shopping.  Sure, I was busy...  but now I literally live law.  The law school is open 24 hours these two weeks, they feed us pizza, baked goods, and candy to keep us in sugar shock and from revolting at all times, and I'm falling asleep at night with my head literally in a textbook.  What in the world am I doing?  At the same time, yesterday evening I was in downtown Pittsburgh in Market Square with the beautiful lights, the limos, and the expensive restaurants, and there was Reed Smith (one of the biggest law firms in the 'burgh) overlooking my life as I'd like it to be. 

It's amazing how far expectations can fall in a semester.  I started out wanting to be in the top ten.  Now, I want to survive.  And everyone keeps saying, "Oh you'll do fine.  You always say it's hard."  Why won't anyone listen?  This isn't hard.  It's freakin impossible and based on luck!  A whole semester of hard work comes down to one three hour exam.  Did I mention I'm not a good test taker?

Do you know the best thing that happened to me all semester?  On my practice exam I got a "nice paper" comment.  Honestly, that's the nicest two words (or only nice words) I've heard all semester.  It's mostly, "Wrong," "No," "Absolutely not," "Bad law student....BAD!" 

What have I learned this semester?  Humility?  New stress management techniques?  The best caffeine for the least calories at Starbucks?  Most of all, I've learned how to be wrong every single day, and yet still keep coming back for more.

Murphy's Law is More Important than Any Other in Law School

Is this you?  You're jogging along, feeling darn good about your energy, your ability, the beautiful day, and CRACK!  Where did that boulder come from?  Well, it's me.

I was cruising along in law school, unafraid of the big bad law school professor, feeling like I knew what was going on ....avoiding the boulders of not being prepared for class....  and CRASH.  It still got me.

This morning in the class with definitely the scariest law professor in the school, I was minding my own business, feeling darn good because I half understood what was going on, and I'd already been called on, so I assumed I was safe....  He points to the back of the room..."YOU!  The girl who thinks this is funny!  What do you think?"  I didn't answer.  I had no idea he was pointing at me.  The girl behind me said, "Me?"  "NO!  He bellowed.  YOU!"  At this point I'm getting the idea it might be me.  But wait, I hadn't said a word?  Was I sleeptalking in class?  Possible.  But no, I was wide awake.

"Me?"  I say.  "Yes, YOU.  The one who is busy having a conversation while I'm trying to talk."  What in the world is going on I'm now thinking?  Am I losing it?  So, I stutter out something that makes no sense, he makes fun of me, and life goes on.  Or does it?  Right now I'm hiding in the student union rather than the law school because everywhere I go people bring it up.  I do sit near the back of the room, so the other 80 people in class didn't actually see what was going on.  They assume I was the loud mouth, and I got called on.  And I'm an idiot. Ack. 

Sigh...I know it doesn't matter.  But I'm getting sick of saying, "It wasn't me!"  I guess it's all good practice for becoming a defense attorney?  Practice for becoming a heartless jerk?  Practice for growing an iron shell?  If it can go wrong, it will.  Back to reality.

Law School Day 8 (or) Socrates is My Frenemy

Do you know how law school works?  Have you seen a movie where some poor law student stands and is verbally abused by a professor asking outrageous questions all in the name of the "Socratic Method?"   Well, those movies aren't far from the truth.

I already mentioned that on Day 1, class 1, I was called on, but that was an "easy" question.  Now the real fun begins.  I've been "lucky" so far, and I haven't been called on, but well, as they say, every dog has his day. 

Today I was called on in Property.  Some people get easy questions like: Please give me the facts of the case, or please give me the procedural history.  Trust me, these are usually easy because you "should" have the answers right in front of you in your homework. 

Here was MY first question (this is not a joke):

Professor X:  John owns a watch and loses it on Monday.  On Tuesday, David finds it.  On Wednesday, Susie steals it from David.  She then proceeds to lose it, and on Friday, Terry finds it.  Susie sues Terry for the watch.  Who will win?

I won't bore you with the answer.  Let's just say, after five or ten minutes of policy, rules, arguments, etc., I had the answer.  Well, I had the answer from the start actually, and I was able to answer all of the professor's question.  I thought more in those ten minutes than I did in all of grad. school. What has my life become?

Weeks 1 and 2 of Law school (or) Call Me Old Again and I'll Kick Your Ass

In general, the theme of law school is lack of time.  It doesn't help of course that I'm still teaching four classes.  So, here, I'll be brief.  I do still love it.  People are incredibly competitive, and I seem to be a bit of an outcast with the day students.  Almost all of them are going out, crashing at each other's houses, and generally acting their age.  No one has to go home, cut the grass, teach classes, blah blah blah.  My most memorable moment so far is the girl I made cry.

You read right.  I made her cry.  She is one of those I-need-to-over-compensate-so-everyone-likes-me types.  She kept getting in little jokes about my age.  She would say things like, "Well, I would add you on facebook, but you're too old" etc.  At lunch one day I finally broke down when she said, "Everyone knows I'm just sarcastic and joking all the time."  I said, "You know....  I don't think that's true.  I think you really mean what you say and play it off as a joke." 

She got flustered, hid in the bathroom and cried all afternoon, and sent me a long facebook message of apology.   Let's just say, it didn't make me any friends, but it did make less people want to mess with me!

Days 2 and 3 of Orientation (or) When Law Students Smell Blood

Let me just say this now: it is exactly like they show on t.v. 

I know Shark Week is over, but apparently no one told the law students.  Every time a bleach-blonde Louis Vuitton-carrying stiletto-wearing gum-chewing overachiever raises her hand, I see fins and teeth.  Apparently they have psyched us out so much for law school that there's no reason for the professors to send out the bait.  We tear each other apart!

Yesterday was my first "Torts" class.  The professor walked in and started grilling people.  It was apparent pretty quickly that no one was going to wait to get called on.  They practically swam out of their seats to get at him!

Today was my first "Legal Research and Writing" course.  At 9 a.m. we started.  At 9:01 the first question was thrown out: "Miss R., define the term 'law' for me."  (Miss R. was me...) Hey, at least I answered and didn't drown. 

Things I overheard today from other law students:
* "Can you believe that guy is in law school.  I mean, he's like THIRTY!"
*  "She looks like Maggie Gyllenhaal.  I wonder if she knows that!"  (This was whispered about me.  I think they're all afraid of me because they've all figured out I have a PhD.)
*  "Like, I have had to turn down three dates already today from guys because I am a law student now."
* "My Mom/Dad/Aunt/Uncle/Brother/Dog is a lawyer, so I will be okay."  Keep telling yourself that one buddy :)

Here's the crazy thing.  I love it!  I love it in a way I never once felt during my MFA or PhD.  I like the reading.  I like getting called on.  I like what we're learning.  I'm just going to lay low for now, circle the school, and wait for the perfect moment.  I always did like seafood.